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How to Bounce Back from Rejection, with Larnell Vickers

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How do you keep pressing forward when rejection makes you want to quit? Find Your Dream Job guest Larnell Vickers suggests using rejection to do the deeper work of understanding who you are and what you want. Rejection can help you define your value as a person and learn how to better express your work ethic. It can also help you to grow in perseverance and resilience. Larnell also reminds us that our career is a personal journey, and rejection is part of that journey. Learning how to work through it can make your journey stronger and more fulfilling. 

About Our Guest:

Larnell Vickers is a career coach, executive recruiter, and leadership consultant.

Resources in This Episode:

Transcript

Find Your Dream Job, Episode 389:

How to Bounce Back from Rejection, with Larnell Vickers

Airdate: March 8, 2023

Mac Prichard:

This is Find Your Dream Job, the podcast that helps you get hired, have the career you want, and make a difference in life.

I’m your host, Mac Prichard. I’m also the founder of Mac’s List. It’s a job board in the Pacific Northwest that helps you find a fulfilling career.

Every Wednesday, I talk to a different expert about the tools you need to get the work you want.

Find Your Dream Job is brought to you by TopResume. TopResume has helped more than 400,000 professionals land more interviews and get hired faster.

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It’s never easy to learn that an employer has chosen another candidate.

And sometimes, getting this bad news can affect your job search and your career.

Larnell Vickers is here to talk about how to bounce back from rejection.

He’s a career coach, executive recruiter, and leadership consultant.

Larnell helps you make career moves that increase your income, impact, and influence.

He joins us from New York City.

Well, let’s dive into it, Larnell. Let’s start with rejection. How often are you likely to experience rejection during a job search?

Larnell Vickers:

Yes, that’s a great question, and I’m glad we’re having the conversation of the day here because you’re most likely going to experience rejection quite a bit. And so, it’s all about how we’re going to manage it when it comes up in a lot of different ways, from ghosting to being rejected to things like working out. So it’s going to happen quite a bit. So, yes, definitely a great question. Excited to dive in for today.

Mac Prichard:

Yeah, I’m looking forward to exploring this, too, because we all experience it during a job search. We get those letters and phone calls that we would rather not receive. And I’m curious, Larnell, in your work with your clients, do you find that some kinds of rejection are harder than others when you’re looking for work?

Larnell Vickers:

Yes, for sure. So, a couple of things that we’ve been seeing happening quite a bit is, one, ghosting. So, when you’re having that interview, and they say, hey, I’m gonna get back with you within, or when you’re fine, you just don’t hear back. And so that is definitely a form of rejection, just not having that closure. And so, we’re actually seeing that happen quite a bit.

I think with not having that closure, it’s tough to sometimes deal with. And so, I definitely think about that form of rejection and how, for us, it’s best to work through that. And, of course, with not getting that email saying that you’re not moving forward or also that phone call that you’re moving forward is tough as well. But I would say for a lot of my clients and what we’re just seeing right now in the industry around ghosting and people just not hearing back at times.

Mac Prichard:

I have to ask- I don’t want to spend a lot of time on it; why do employers do this, Larnell? I have candidates ask me that all of the time.

Larnell Vickers:

Yes, for sure, for sure. I do think, so I’ve been a recruiter, I’ve recruited for over ten plus years. I’ve seen the in-house of companies of how this works. And it varies in terms of how the ATS- the Applicant Tracking System is set up. It varies in terms of the staffing for the recruitment team, of how many recruiters might be placed on X amount of roles within the company. And as well as just the values of the company and what they’re actually how they’re operating as a company. Some companies just don’t value the recruitment process or making sure they’re getting back with every single person or how they’re communicating with folks.

And so, it varies across the board, and unfortunately, it seems to be that, for a lot more companies, it’s where they don’t have the bandwidth, or they’re just not prioritizing it as a need to ensure that every single person, regardless if it’s an automatic email or a call through an actual human being or recruiter, that that’s not being prioritized.

And so, I do think that is important for you, right for the candidate; how do you manage that? And how do you navigate that when that does happen?

Mac Prichard:

And in your experience as a recruiter, how do you see most people react to rejection when they’re looking for work?

Larnell Vickers:

Yeah, so a lot of times, we first take it a bit personal, as if it’s myself and I did something wrong, or I said the wrong thing. And a lot of times, we can have it to be the case that we’re interviewing, and then we replay that interview in our thoughts over and over and over,  time and time again, wishing we had said it this way or, you know, repositioned the way we answered that question.

And I will say this, that in a lot of cases, there’s so many factors that go on behind the scenes that have nothing to do with you as a candidate. It turns up your qualifications and skillsets and your being able to do the job. In most cases, you probably can do the job. There’s probably no doubt about that. But the fact that there’s so many other variables from when we think about the team in-house.

Like, what’s the composition of that team? Do they need a certain type of person with a certain skill set to be placed in that role? Who’s the team leader? And what’s the vision that the team leader has for that team?

Also, in terms of multiple candidates who actually have a background and have a skillset. Who do you go with? Who do you advance?

And so, you have to get into the nuances of personality, or the culture of the team, or what’s gonna be the best fit at the time. And so, a lot of times, candidates do take it personal as if they’re not qualified or as if they said the wrong thing. And again, coming from a recruiter, I’ve done this work for a long time. Sometimes, there are just other factors beyond oneself that go into rejection and not moving forward in the process.

Mac Prichard:

If you’re a finalist for a candidate, you’ll often receive a phone call telling you that another person has been chosen. Do you recommend asking for feedback in that conversation about why you didn’t get the job?

Larnell Vickers:

Yes, ask for feedback every single time, and again, it goes back to the company’s culture. I believe that for anyone who’s been a finalist, that recruiter or hiring manager should have a conversation to share the feedback with that candidate. That candidate has invested a ton of time. The company has invested a ton of time. And so, it’s really important to share that feedback and have that conversation.

I do say just on a candidate standpoint, always just to build that relationship over the time. So that the recruiter is really willing and able to give you that feedback because of the relationship that you built over time, but definitely ask for it.

Mac Prichard:

Again, as we talked about at the start of the conversation, it’s not uncommon to hear no a lot when you’re looking for work, and often people will get discouraged. Can recruiters and employers tell if a candidate has experienced a lot of rejection? Either through their application materials or perhaps can they tell in a job interview?

Larnell Vickers:

I wouldn’t say that a company or recruiter, or hiring manager could tell someone who’s gone through a lot of rejection. I would say, though, that based upon your responses or how you respond to certain questions…

Let’s just say, for example, you’ve been in the job marketplace for a while now, and you’ve been interviewing for a while now, and you have not landed a role. Right? That can point to the fact that there might be some rejection there.

But again, I really do believe that has something to do with the company or the recruiter. But more so you as a candidate. How you show up. How you respond. How you position your answers. So that you come off as very confident in oneself and in responses.

Mac Prichard:

Well, let’s talk more about that, how to show that confidence. And let’s turn to your tips for how to bounce back from rejection. Your first recommendation, Larnell, is to know your work and value. What do you have in mind here?

Larnell Vickers:

Yes, yes. I love this. This is number one, know your work and know your value. You have to know this.

That regardless of the rejection, regardless of the challenges, the ups and downs, the obstacles that come your way, know who you are. Know your skillset, talent, the ability that you have. And know the outcome, the impact that you generate in any setting, in any company, in any role that you hold.

And it’s sometimes important to ground yourself in that, and that could just be into the recommendations you’ve received, accolades that you’ve received, or feedback that colleagues have shared with you. Read those notes. Go back to those emails. Look at those recommendations that you’ve received.

Just to kind of bring you back into remembrance of who you are, your power. That magical aspect of just who you are and what you bring to the table to keep you grounded. So that, when you’re going into the interview process, you are standing on two feet, grounded in yourself, of who you are and what you bring to the table, and what you deliver every single time.

And so, I really encourage folks on that. So when you get the rejection, just know that that role was not for you and that there will be a better opportunity that will come down the road because of knowing that you’re confident in yourself. And you know that what’s for you is for you out there in the world.

Mac Prichard:

Well, this is terrific, Larnell. We’re gonna take a break; when we come back, stay with us; Larnell Vickers will continue to share his advice on how to bounce back from rejection.

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Now, let’s get back to the show.

We’re back in the Mac’s List studio. I’m talking with Larnell Vickers.

He’s a career coach, executive recruiter, and leadership consultant.

Larnell helps you make career moves that increase your income, impact, and influence.

He joins us from New York City.

Well, Larnell, before the break, we were talking about how to bounce back from rejection. We’re going through a list of tips that you use with clients that you help, and the second one on your list for how to bounce back from rejection is to have a healthy relationship to rejection. How do you do this, Larnell?

Larnell Vickers:

Yeah, for sure. So, one is I think that rejection is healthy. It actually builds resilience. It builds grit. It builds perseverance, and I think we do a lot of learning through rejection. And so, I do teach and coach around embracing rejection because there’s so much good learning, so much good reflection that can happen when we go through rejection.

On top of that, around how to respond to rejection. How do we show up in the face of being rejected, things not working out, or going according to plan? And so, we get a chance to reflect on that as well. And to really say, okay, is this working for me?

Or is this not working for me? And so what’s the path going forward that’s gonna really empower me? So that I stay in the game and I keep myself moving forward in this job search to land this role.

And so, I do really encourage folks to really look at rejection as not a bad thing. It’s a neutral thing, and you get a chance to really see how you show up in it, and how you respond to it, and how you actually allow it to be fuel for you to keep you moving forward every single time.

Mac Prichard:

What happens, Larnell, if you don’t do that kind of reflection? If you don’t ask yourself those  kinds of questions? Do you find that people start telling themselves stories about what happened?

Larnell Vickers:

Yes, and so like the both things I was sharing earlier, that rejection is a neutral event. We put meaning to the event itself, and then we make stories about ourselves or about other people that create feelings, and sometimes, the feelings can be feelings of, I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, I’m not capable.

And so, to just know that those stories are, of course, just stories. They’re not real. They’re made up. They’re fake. And so, you get the chance to really reprogram or reframe the event itself. And so, if you were rejected to really reframe it.

And this is one of the popular ones. I love this one, around it just not be the opportunity for you, but you have another opportunity for you out in the world. Or that if you were to get that opportunity, it wouldn’t probably be the best fit for you at that point in time in your career. And so, to really find the role that’s gonna be the right fit. Or the people there are actually not gonna be the people that are gonna bring the best out of you. And so you really need to find the culture fit that’s gonna be the right fit for you on both ends.

And so, really thinking about how you want to reframe and how you want to reprogram the ways you’re probably thinking about situations when it comes to rejection so that you just feel empowered. Ultimately, that’s the goal. Right? We just want to make sure that you feel empowered to keep getting up and to keep moving forward.

Mac Prichard:

Is this work you can do on your own? Or do you recommend someone talk to a friend or family member or colleague as they think through what happened and what they want to do next?

Larnell Vickers:

Yeah, I would recommend both. I say this is work that you can do on your own, but having affirmations to really reaffirm for yourself who you are in the world. As well as being able just to share your thoughts, share your feelings with a coach, with a friend, family, or colleague. Just to be able to process the feelings and emotions, so you can get it out, and you can then move forward.

So, I really recommend both. I know some folks just journal. Some folks just go for walks. And so, whatever’s gonna really support you just to get clear-headed, and so that you can really get grounded back into the work that needs to get done; to really approach it in that way and to go about it and do both. I like the work you can do on your own as well as with others.

Mac Prichard:

Are there any journaling prompts or affirmations that you found to be effective to help with this kind of reflection that’s gonna help you get those stories out of your head as well as develop the grit and resilience that you’re gonna need to succeed?

Larnell Vickers:

Yes, so I think one prompt could be, what am I learning in this moment? Who am I being, and how am I showing up in this moment? And what’s the one action I want to take for myself going forward?

So, those are some of the prompts you can use. I would say keep it simple. It doesn’t have to be elongated. It can be really just short, brief, and to the point. And then, once you actually just get your thoughts out on paper, read through them. Really be with them, process, and then move forward.

Mac Prichard:

Another recommendation you have for bouncing back from rejection is to understand that your journey is your journey. What do you mean by this, Larnell?

Larnell Vickers:

Yeah, yes. Every single person in this world has a journey, has a story, and to know that story that you’re going through, that journey that you’re going on is going to have ups and downs, challenges, and obstacles. That’s just gonna be a part of your story.

And so, sometimes, we can look to our left or right and see other people’s stories, and in most cases, what happens is that we see the successes. We go on LinkedIn, and we see that person land a role. We see that person getting promoted. But we don’t know the journey. We don’t know the challenges.

And so, to really have it to be the case that we’re not so much looking to our left or right, we’re just owning our journey. We’re owning the experience, all of the experiences that come along with this journey. The good, the bad, all of the in-between.

Because all of it is really for your good, it’s in your favor because it creates character, creates boldness and courageousness, and grit, and perseverance in ways that you wouldn’t have obtained unless you went through the experience. And so, to really be with your journey. Be so present to it so that you can really own it and experience all that’s for you within your journey.

Mac Prichard:

How do you do that, though, Larnell? I mean, I agree it’s important to recognize that while you’re experiencing reverses and adversity here or there, it does help create character and other qualities. But in the moment, what have you seen work with people who are looking and trying to understand their journey and own it? Are there practical tips you recommend? Or exercises that can help?

Larnell Vickers:

Yeah, so one of the things, and I don’t think we’ve got into this yet. But community support structures is key. I think a lot of times, people go on this journey looking to find the next role on their own, and that doesn’t have to be the case.

And so, to really allow yourself to get connected, to get plugged in with others, to join community groups so that people can really speak life into you. People can encourage you. People can get you back in remembrance of who you are and what’s next for you. And so, it’s not just you doing that for yourself, but also people that know and care for you can also support in doing that for you as well.

Mac Prichard:

Well, it’s been a terrific conversation, Larnell. Now, tell us, what’s next for you?

Larnell Vickers:

Yes, so a couple of things here is we have the Career Journey. Which is our community group, and so, if you go to thecareerjourney.co, C-O at the end, we’re looking to continue to build and grow that work. We’ve been doing career coaching, recruitment consulting work, and events and experiences for a very long time now. And so, we launched that last year, and we’ve been continuing to grow that over the course of time, and so it’s been a wonderful group. Continuing to grow group, and we have different speakers, recruiters, coaches, industry leaders. One of the things that I know is true for me is that I really like community and so, it’s so cool to see that come alive.

Mac Prichard:

Well, that’s terrific. And I know listeners can learn more about that group as well as your other services by visiting your website, larnellvickers.com, and that you also encourage listeners to connect with you on LinkedIn. And if they reach out to you there, I hope they’ll mention they heard you on Find Your Dream Job.

Now, Larnell, given all the great advice you’ve shared today, what’s the one thing you want a listener to remember about how to bounce back from rejection during a job search?

Larnell Vickers:

Yeah, no, for sure. It’s to keep moving forward. One step in front of the other. Even when you are feeling down. Even when you don’t know what might be next or what’s gonna happen for you, to know that it will all come together if you allow yourself to take one step, one foot in front of the other, and then continue to move forward.

I would say that, and I say this to my clients all of the time, is turning small wins into medium size wins into bigger size wins. That’s gonna tee you up for success and to land a role. So allow yourself to view the process, even if there’s just small wins or bigger wins along the way, to really be able to process moving forward. So you can experience these plans along to be teed up for success at the end, have the interview, to get the role.

Mac Prichard:

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Next week, our guest will be Karen Sharp-Price.

She’s a certified professional coach who helps you get a career you can love.

Karen also hosts the SharpHR Career Corner. It’s a podcast about different career journeys.

You know you need a LinkedIn page. And you also know that you can’t set it and forget it.

Join us next Wednesday when Karen Sharpe-Price and I talk about how to use LinkedIn strategically in your job search.

Until next time, thanks for letting us help you find your dream job.

This show is produced by Mac’s List.

Susan Thornton-Hough schedules our guests and writes our newsletter. Lisa Kislingbury Anderson manages our social media.

Our sound engineer is Matt Fiorillo. Ryan Morrison at Podfly Productions edits the show. Dawn Mole creates our transcripts. And our music is by Freddy Trujillo.

This is Mac Prichard. See you next week.